i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
