So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
