It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
