I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
