Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
whose ass print is on the piano?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
