It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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