Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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