dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Four minutes until I can fart!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
