My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
