News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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