it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
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the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
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I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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