Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
