just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
