Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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