I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
