I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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