Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
