The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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