What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
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i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
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Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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