i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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