Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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