I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
