i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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