the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
