If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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