Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
