your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
