Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
