And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
