I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
