Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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