I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
