The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Four minutes until I can fart!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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