She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
