So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
