Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
