the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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