Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
