4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
