your parents love me but you hate me
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
