Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
