Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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