Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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