Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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