How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
