Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
