not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
