My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
