OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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