I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
