Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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