I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
