I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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