I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
