YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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