I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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