In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I cut my penus on the lid.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
