I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
