oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
