just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
