he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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