you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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