I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
