whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
