I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
