the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
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U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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