Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
